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I love cookies. I’m not talking about the kind you get on your computer when surfing the net. I’m talking about the good ole fashioned sugary treats you wash down with a glass of cold milk. We have had a couple of nice surprises lately with the most recent one being the large variety of cookies or biscuits available in the Bahamas. Who would have thought the tiny rinky dink grocery stores we have visited recently would offer more selection and choice of cookies then the mega stores of the USA.

I love most things about America. But, the one thing the Yanks are clueless about are good cookies (please don’t send me hate mail – this is just my humble and worthless opinion). I’m not sure what happened to the American cookies over time but the manufacturers seem to have really lost their way. This is what happens when the supermarket store shelves are controlled by a couple of big companies. And, the companies controlling the selves are listening to small health conscious focus groups instead of listening to their potential customers.  I once opened a package of chocolate chip cookies and thought I needed to bake them. I was looking for the instructions. Cindy assured me they were already cooked. “But they are so doughy and pale”, I said. “Is there a shortage of elves in the workforce?”

The British know how to make delicious cookies. Their cookies have extra trans-fats, saturated fats and lard. They have real sugar. The artificial stuff is for sissies. No high fructose syrups here. When they add the sugar, they do it like grandma did: add what is in the recipe and then add a little more for good measure. The British add wheat flour laden with extra gluten. Gluten tastes good. None of this stuff that tastes like cardboard goes into a British cookie. They use butter. Yes, real butter. I’m talking about the stuff that comes from cows and is not found in plastic tubs. Heck, they probably add MSG.  And then, they bake them until they are crispy. They probably coat the baking pans with peanut oil.

I am often quoted as saying, “Anything made in England that has more than two moving parts is going to break”. Perhaps this is where the origin of the phrase “the cookie crumbles” came from. It’s broken British cookies. There is not much the British do extraordinary well. But, cookies are a product where they outshine the entire world. These are the people who stop whatever they are doing twice a day for a cup of tea. With tea comes a biscuit, or two (cookies). It just makes sense that the people who once controlled the entire world’s sugar supply figured out how to use the sugar.

Categories: Funny Stuff, Shorts and Musings

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